Smartmom: What happens in the idyllic brownstone neighborhood of Park Slope if you see a teenager smoking a cigarette on Seventh Avenue? Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom noticed it first: there was a note on the menu blackboard and in the menu as well that said: It is a condition of service at the Clam Bar that all children must stay in their seats. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom’s tree is a symbol — not of the birth of Jesus, silly, but of her acceptance of her family’s new holiday traditions. Comment.

Smartmom: Hepcat makes latkes the old-fashioned way: He improvises. And therein lies a great life lesson! Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom learns first-hand that no good deed goes unpunished online. Comment.

Smartmom: The start of the school year has been an emotional roller coaster for Smartmom. So what else is new? Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom takes on the Chinese! Comments (1).

Smartmom: For the first time in 10 years, Smartmom and the Oh So Feisty One are going their separate ways — and both are looking forward to it. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom tries out the new Buddhist haggadah. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom runs in the Turkey Trot — but why didn’t she tell the hubby and kids? Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom is just too damn busy! Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom has an exclusive sit-down with her nanny, Beautiful Smile. Dumb Editor accuses her of double-dipping. Comments (1).

Perspective: Smartmom and her daughter are addicted to the new show, “Gossip Girl.” It’s like “The O.C.,” only better (it’s in Brooklyn!). Comments (1).

Smartmom: Smartmom follows the supposedly independent Oh So Feisty One to school. And all heck breaks out! Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom and her fellow mom-friends mark the opening day of school. Comments (1).

Smartmom: American Girl releases a 1970s doll as part of its “historical” collection. Man, does that make Smartmom is feel old, or what? Comments (2).

Smartmom: Smartmom finally says “no” to Teen Spirit. Call Mr. Guinness! Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom ruffles some feathers while cleaning up the clan’s apartment. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom goes to Two Boots and starts reeling in the years. Comment.

Smartmom: Teen Spirit is coming out of his shell — but did Smartmom have anything to do with it? Comments (1).

Smartmom: Hepcat gets the invitation — and it makes the younger — but more neurotic — Smartmom question what she’s accomplished in life. Comment.

Smartmom: A chance encounter with Painter Mom jumpstarts Smartmom’s holiday dread. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom and Hepcat are fighting again — but this time, it’s for their health! Comment.

Smartmom: A tribute to Best and Oldest — Smartmom’s best and oldest. Comment.

Smartmom: The fingers are flying as the Oh So Feisty One finally gets a piano. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom learns to rely on the kindness of her friends, not strangers. Comment.

Smartmom: The Oh So Feisty One gets sick but Smartmom is the one who needs medication! Comments (1).

Smartmom: Smartmom attends a PS 321 graduation — and she becomes a blubbering mess. Wait ’til next year, when the Oh So Feisty One graduates! Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom is battling the bulge — yet trying not to teach the Oh So Feisty the wrong lesson about body image. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom sees a rare bird and learns about being a better mother. Comment.

Smartmom: Our columnist heads to the cosmetics counter for a midlife spruce-up. Comment.

Smartmom: So, Smartmom and her twin sister Diaper Diva went on vacation together — and the fur flies! Comment.

Smartmom: Snow was in the forecast. Valentine’s Day was coming (it’s Hepcat’s least-favorite Hallmark holiday). And in the middle of everything, Smartmom found out that one of her paying projects has been substantially downsized. Comment.

Smartmom: Sound the alarm: Hepcat got laid off! Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom looks back at a great neighbor. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom learns to stop worrying and love her stepmom. Comment.

Smartmom: Teen Spirit’s band was playing a “no-adults-allowed” gig. Guess who crashed the party. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom goes to Neal Pollack’s reading at the Tea Lounge and finds the humor writer’s take on parenting not that funny at all. Catfight! Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom’s uncle died last week — but should she take Teen Spirit and the Oh So Feisty One to the funeral? And therein lies another great Smartmom psychodrama! Comment.

Smartmom: The Oh So Feisty One has been away at summer camp for more than a week and Smartmom hasn’t received a letter. Not one friggin’ letter. Comment.

Smartmom: Look, Smartmom and Hepcat are NOT headed for Splitsville. They just like some time apart, OK? Comment.

Smartmom: Ducky turns 3 — and all rejoice. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom and her hubby finally threw out their old trash. Now, can they preserve their memories? Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom misses her friends that have fled from Park Slope. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom wants to know: Does New York Times Op-Ed columnist David Brooks know anything about Park Slope? Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom has been on a steady diet of Ingmar Bergman movies — and now she knows why. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom went to Block Island — alone — and did not want to come back. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom has always been a strong believer in public schools — so no wonder she gets angry when friends leave PS 321 for the supposedly greener pastures of private school. Comments (1).

Smartmom: The inside story on Marian Fontana’s engagement. Comment.

Smartmom: Smartmom learns a lesson about how to break bad news to kids. Comment.

Smartmom: Aside from the drunken woman who threw up (and just missed Smartmom) on the A train, Smartmom spent an exceedingly pleasant New Year’s Eve drinking champagne and sparkling cider with Hepcat, the Oh So Feisty One and a gaggle of college friends in the West Village. Comment.