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Pony Boys adding fresh horses — including Fontaine!

The Brooklyn Paper
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The Pony Boys have added some fresh horses — and are now favored to win Brooklyn Kickball League’s coveted Chuck D Trophy.

Captain Jason “Einhorn” Finkel and General Manager Anthony “Check the Speed” Sneed confirmed late on Tuesday that the team signed all-star infielder Priest “Last Rites” Fontaine to a one-year deal, poaching him from the John Cougar Mellencamps, which swept them in the best-of-three finals last year.

A four-time all-star third-baseman, Fontaine is being hailed as the missing cog in the Boys’ aggressive bid to return to the championship — and a crippling blow to the defending two-time champions

“Bolstering the infield is the single most important thing,” said Finkel. “If you want to succeed at kickball, you have to have good movement in the infield.”

Last year, the Boys were the dark horse, shocking a number of teams by advancing to the finals, despite losing to the two-time champions.

But with the new stallions, expectations are higher than the Texas sun.

“It looks like the Pony Boys are going to make another leap,” said Brooklyn Kickball Commissioner Kevin “The Commish” Dailey. “They’re obviously a contender and they’re probably going to get even better.”

The Boys will welcome back the grittiest all-stars in the league, including Dru “It’s not easy being” Green, Matt “Processed Foods” Tyson, and Erin “Obamacare” Berkey, who heroically rolled her ankle sliding home during a rally that pushed her team into the semifinals last year.

“She’s better, she’s back, and other teams should watch out,” said Sneed.

Sneed’s had the best offseason in recent memory.

The Ponies have been stockpiling fillies to shore up their shortcomings and secure the inside track to the 2011 championships.

In addition to Fontaine, Sneed lured Wendy “Boo-urns” Booher and Angelique “Not Actually French” Everett from the archrival Mellencamps in a trade, giving up Georgia “On My Mind” Nerheim and a few hundred dollars.

“Actually it was $450 and they let me sleep at the frat house,” said Sneed.

Sneed believes his newly configured team will saddle up for a great time on the field, win or lose, but most likely win.

“The true test of a team is whether they can smile after a loss,” said Sneed. “You’re never going to win them all — if you accept that, you’ll be a great team.”

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Reader Feedback

Mark C. from McCarren Park North says:
This is some —— right here.
April 30, 2011, 6:56 pm
Mark C. from McCarren Park North says:
they censored my comment...here's the translation: "bullstuff"

-MC
April 30, 2011, 6:58 pm

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