Today’s news:

Talk about a J-train jerk

The Brooklyn Paper

90th Precinct

Southside–Bushwick

‘J’ for jerk

A perp stole phones from two 12-year-olds at the Lorimer Street J-train station on Aug. 8 and fled on his bicycle.

The victims were near Broadway at 12:20 pm when the perp pushed them against the wall and yelled, “Give me your cellphones!”

The boys surrendered their phones, and the perp rode away.

Bike cash

A thief stole $200 — and the cash register that contained it — from a Havemeyer Street bike shop overnight on Aug. 13.

The owner locked his store up at 7 pm, but when he returned to S. First Street at 6 am, he saw that the front door was unlocked and the register was gone.

Keap away

A robber stole a woman’s iPhone as she walked to the train station on Keap Street on Aug. 12.

The woman was near Hope Street at 12:30 am, when the thief grabbed her arm, took the phone and ran away.

Cash stash

A sneaky thief stole $15,800 from a car while its driver was changing a flat tire on Humboldt Street on Aug. 10.

The victim was near Metropolitan Avenue at 3 pm when the perp flagged him down and told him he had a flat tire. The driver got out of the car and pumped his tire, but left the car unlocked.

When he got back into his car, he saw his cash was missing.

Club Acura

A thief stole an Acura while its owner was dancing inside a Havemeyer Street club on Aug. 12.

The driver parked at 12:45 am and went into the club near S. Fourth Street, but when he finished his night at 4:30 am, he saw his car was missing.

Civic minded

A thief stole a Honda parked on Bushwick Avenue overnight on Aug. 11.

The driver parked near Powers Street at 10 pm and returned 12 hours later to find her car missing.

— Aaron Short

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