Five things to do in Brooklyn this week!

Friday

Dec. 12

Merry Christmas, Argyle

’Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except … the four a——- coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation. Cult entertainment website Den of Geek is ringing in the festive season with a “swear-along” screening of “Die Hard” — inarguably the greatest Christmas movie of all time. Keep score of the body count and win prizes.

9:30 pm at Videology [308 Bedford Ave. at S. First Street in Williamsburg, (718) 782–3468, www.video‌logy.info]. Free.

Saturday

Dec. 13

Naughty and nice

Sitting in Santa’s lap isn’t just for kids. Williamsburg “erotic boutique” Shag is throwing a Naughty Santa Holiday Party, where adults can park themselves on the jolly man’s lap and pose for racy photos, drink boozy eggnog, and score some free lube with purchases over $100. Talk about a merry Christmas.

2–6 pm at Shag [108 Roebling St. at N. Sixth Street in Williamsburg, (347) 721–3302 www.welov‌eshag.com]. Free.

Sunday

Dec. 14

Get baked

The sweet and salty snack masters behind Greenpoint bakery Ovenly are releasing their first cookbook (creatively titled “Ovenly”). Get along to the book launch to nab signed copies to give everyone for Christmas, and score yourself some free cookies and milk (or beer) for your troubles.

Page boy: “Two-Book Minimum” co-host Ross Hyzer.

Photo by Anya Garrett

3 pm at the Brooklyn Kitchen [100 Frost St. at Meeker Avenue in Williamsburg, (718) 389–2982, www.thebr‌ookly‌nkitc‌hen.com]. Free.

MoNday

Dec. 15

I’d tap that

Or, if cookies aren’t your thing (what is wrong with you?), try this one. Brooklyn Brewery is hosting a book market exclusively devoted to books about beer. The authors of eight different titles will be in attendance, and there will be an open bar, so it looks like everyone is getting a beer book for the holidays this year. Don’t worry — your 8-year-old niece is going to love “Craft Beer Bar Mitzvah.”

7:30 pm at Brooklyn Brewery [79 N. 11th Street between Berry Street and Wythe Avenue in Williamsburg, (718) 486-7422, www.brook‌lynbr‌ewery.com]. $20.

Wednesday

Dec. 17

Literary revue

Book this in. Humor writers Dan Wilbur and Ross Hyzer combine literature and laughter with their “Two-Book Minimum” series, in which they invite writer-comedians on stage to say witty and amusing about their favorite books. This edition’s guests include ’90s icon Janeane Garofalo and National Public Radio icon Ophira Eisenberg.

8 pm at Union Hall [702 Union St. between Fifth and Sixth avenues in Park Slope, (718) 638–4400, www.union‌halln‌y.com]. $7.